Thank you and good night.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
HEY THERE
There will be no second third or twelfth post of Story Time. Due to the fact that it sucks.
Friday, March 4, 2011
STORY TIME
ONCE UPON A TIME
There was a girl who lived in bear town, with her family of giant ants.
One day her ant mother asked her to go out and gather the ingredients she needed to bake a zebra delight cake. So she set out on her way to gather pinch berries from the enchanted shrubbery of Sheffboird.
She made her way past the oak tree of gibberish,
across field of human hair,
and through the pond of candy cane skies
until she got to the enchanted shrubbery of Sheffboird. But when she got there the entrance was being guarded by a giant, purple leaf.
but he was asleep so its all good.
Finally, she reached the pinch berry bush,
gathered her pinch berries, and went to leave...But when she got to the entrance the leaf had awoken from its slumber.
The leaf was kinda pissed that she had entered without his say so. So, he ordered her to
Well, she obviously couldn't do that, because you can't make a zebra delight cake without pinch berries.
So she said
the giant purple leaf was angry and self conscious, no one had ever told him no before (would you say no to
giant, talking, purple leaf? nope, didn't think so) He said
and the girl simply replied with "your legs are to skinny"
- Now, what you need to know, is that leafs have very big egos, and don't take criticism well, and this is why that little comment about the size and structure of his legs, which wouldn't have hurt most people, was a huge
blow to the foundation of his character and self worth.
This tiny little girl had seen his faults and played on them with her hurtful ways. There was no coming back from that, so he had to let her pass.
She walked triumphantly past him, feeling rather.... well, triumphant.
END OF PART ONE
There was a girl who lived in bear town, with her family of giant ants.
One day her ant mother asked her to go out and gather the ingredients she needed to bake a zebra delight cake. So she set out on her way to gather pinch berries from the enchanted shrubbery of Sheffboird.
She made her way past the oak tree of gibberish,
across field of human hair,
and through the pond of candy cane skies
but he was asleep so its all good.
Finally, she reached the pinch berry bush,
gathered her pinch berries, and went to leave...But when she got to the entrance the leaf had awoken from its slumber.
The leaf was kinda pissed that she had entered without his say so. So, he ordered her to
Well, she obviously couldn't do that, because you can't make a zebra delight cake without pinch berries.
So she said
the giant purple leaf was angry and self conscious, no one had ever told him no before (would you say no to
giant, talking, purple leaf? nope, didn't think so) He said
and the girl simply replied with "your legs are to skinny"
- Now, what you need to know, is that leafs have very big egos, and don't take criticism well, and this is why that little comment about the size and structure of his legs, which wouldn't have hurt most people, was a huge
blow to the foundation of his character and self worth.
This tiny little girl had seen his faults and played on them with her hurtful ways. There was no coming back from that, so he had to let her pass.
She walked triumphantly past him, feeling rather.... well, triumphant.
END OF PART ONE
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
SO... THOUGHTS
So, Valentine's day sucks. So, as I eat immense amounts of starbursts I'm going to blog every train of thought I have. So, fucking read the fucking thing.
... What would happen right now... if I just threw my computer against the wall.. ?
Would I get in trouble?.. would I be sad afterward? Cause the way it freezes every- GAH I hate it when i type "every time" as one word- time I use it, is starting to annoy my brain thoughts.
Okay, so, my guy friend asked me for advice on what to get his girlfriend for Valentine's day right?
He took my advice, and she cried... she cried, man! tears of joy and love!
See, I'm awesome at this love shit, I just don't have anyone to throw a love pie at...
Well, I do have someone, but he's "away" and we never see each other, or talk, and oh my god this blog is not titled "Dear Diary" I'm sorry,I don't know what came over me, I almost started to care. ( I care ) (No I don't) (Yes I do)
I wonder what a love pie would taste like...
Don't you hate that few moments when you get a chill for no reason... you're not even cold, you just randomly shake like your having a seizure. That just happened to me.... It's still happening to me....
You know that brand "Wet Seal"? ... Yeah, WTF kinda name is that??
I drew something for you
... What would happen right now... if I just threw my computer against the wall.. ?
Would I get in trouble?.. would I be sad afterward? Cause the way it freezes every- GAH I hate it when i type "every time" as one word- time I use it, is starting to annoy my brain thoughts.
Okay, so, my guy friend asked me for advice on what to get his girlfriend for Valentine's day right?
He took my advice, and she cried... she cried, man! tears of joy and love!
See, I'm awesome at this love shit, I just don't have anyone to throw a love pie at...
Well, I do have someone, but he's "away" and we never see each other, or talk, and oh my god this blog is not titled "Dear Diary" I'm sorry,I don't know what came over me, I almost started to care. ( I care ) (No I don't) (Yes I do)
I wonder what a love pie would taste like...
Don't you hate that few moments when you get a chill for no reason... you're not even cold, you just randomly shake like your having a seizure. That just happened to me.... It's still happening to me....
You know that brand "Wet Seal"? ... Yeah, WTF kinda name is that??
I drew something for you
Depressing right? no? Thats because it's a cartoon.
Ah, I'm so tired, and hungry.
THE END
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
STORY TIME
Once upon a time there was this guy and he was good looking, but then he met this lepricon see, and the lepricon was jealous so he switched faces with him. And so now somewhere out there theres a guy with the face of a small red headed man and somewhere else out there (probably not in the same place because the used-to-be-hot-guy made an everlasting vow to find the hot lepricon and punish him for his hanis crimes by hanging him by his toes over a pile of pickle juice. Yes, a pile of pickle juice) theres a hot little man in green, who probably gets all the babes.
THE END
THE END
Friday, January 14, 2011
MY CHILDHOOD WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES. PART 3
Well, I guess I'll finish my amazing trilogy, cause I know all 1 of you are dying to know how i almost died.... That and every time me and Brookie hang out we don't feel like writing a post.... because.. well, we're awesome (We really are) and have more productive things to do with our lives (No we don't)
Anyways, there is a lot of times in my life where I have looked upon deaths ugly face. But all of those times were pretty much because I was just fooling around on high places and running with knives. Or that one time when I climbed onto the roof and couldn't get down so I decided to jump and or fall.... Yeah... I was a stupid child.
The only serious time that I was in real, life threatening danger, was when I had pneumonia... The first time... I recently just got out of the hospital for the second time...The first time was when I was about seven...No I am not sickly.... God... I have no idea how I'm going to make this funny. But I'll try, by using words like amazing, face eating monster who sucks the air from you, butt crunch and draw string.... Yeah.
So, here it goes : THE TIME I ALMOST SERIOUSLY DIED.
It was a cold dark, stormy night ( I really don't remember whether it was stormy or not ) I was about seven years of age (maybe six) laying on parents bed... coughing and gasping for air (Oh god this sounds depressing) My mom was frantic and scared. Which was making me wan't to just go ahead and die already because I was getting really annoyed at her asking me if I was doing any better every five seconds. Of course I'm not doing any better I had fucking pneumonia for shits sake! (I'm really contemplating just telling the roof story, cause making this funny is hard...) (To make this better heres a text picture of boobs ( . Y . ) .... As you can see I'm desperate... Just like your mom was last night! OHHHHH... did I just insult myself?... Anyway) Yeah I had pneumonia.... It sucked.. I wen't to the hospital and some shit brained doctor gave me the wrong medicine and almost killed me..... All I remember is laying there hooked up to one of those machines that helps you do things you would normally be doing.... While my mother cried.... Yeah it was a sad story... Get over it....... The amazing Butt munch, face eating monster, who sucks air from you, likes to pull on your draw string. There, are you happy?
THE END
I officially dub this post a FAIL.... But I dubbed my own fail so that makes it a win..... I do not understand the rules of the internet. GOOD NIGHT!
Anyways, there is a lot of times in my life where I have looked upon deaths ugly face. But all of those times were pretty much because I was just fooling around on high places and running with knives. Or that one time when I climbed onto the roof and couldn't get down so I decided to jump and or fall.... Yeah... I was a stupid child.
The only serious time that I was in real, life threatening danger, was when I had pneumonia... The first time... I recently just got out of the hospital for the second time...The first time was when I was about seven...No I am not sickly.... God... I have no idea how I'm going to make this funny. But I'll try, by using words like amazing, face eating monster who sucks the air from you, butt crunch and draw string.... Yeah.
So, here it goes : THE TIME I ALMOST SERIOUSLY DIED.
It was a cold dark, stormy night ( I really don't remember whether it was stormy or not ) I was about seven years of age (maybe six) laying on parents bed... coughing and gasping for air (Oh god this sounds depressing) My mom was frantic and scared. Which was making me wan't to just go ahead and die already because I was getting really annoyed at her asking me if I was doing any better every five seconds. Of course I'm not doing any better I had fucking pneumonia for shits sake! (I'm really contemplating just telling the roof story, cause making this funny is hard...) (To make this better heres a text picture of boobs ( . Y . ) .... As you can see I'm desperate... Just like your mom was last night! OHHHHH... did I just insult myself?... Anyway) Yeah I had pneumonia.... It sucked.. I wen't to the hospital and some shit brained doctor gave me the wrong medicine and almost killed me..... All I remember is laying there hooked up to one of those machines that helps you do things you would normally be doing.... While my mother cried.... Yeah it was a sad story... Get over it....... The amazing Butt munch, face eating monster, who sucks air from you, likes to pull on your draw string. There, are you happy?
THE END
I officially dub this post a FAIL.... But I dubbed my own fail so that makes it a win..... I do not understand the rules of the internet. GOOD NIGHT!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
MY CHILDHOOD WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES. PART 2
This is a continuation of MY LIFE WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES. If you haven't read it, here it is. http://theawkwardtimes.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-childhood-was-full-of-blood-near.html
Okay, so this story is properly named "THE TIME MY BROTHER BIT MY HEAD" And you're about to find out why... Actually its pretty obvious why. But still were going to pretend like you have no idea what this story is about.
So, one night I was laying down on my grandmothers bed, peacefully watching TV. I was about eight years of age and had no idea that my life would soon be shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.
So there i was, laying down, with my brother in a chair positioned close beside the bed. I was as happy as can be, so content with my life, so thankful for my family AND OMG MY BROTHER DROPS HIS HEAD AND HIS TEETH GO INTO MY SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so this story is properly named "THE TIME MY BROTHER BIT MY HEAD" And you're about to find out why... Actually its pretty obvious why. But still were going to pretend like you have no idea what this story is about.
So, one night I was laying down on my grandmothers bed, peacefully watching TV. I was about eight years of age and had no idea that my life would soon be shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.
So there i was, laying down, with my brother in a chair positioned close beside the bed. I was as happy as can be, so content with my life, so thankful for my family AND OMG MY BROTHER DROPS HIS HEAD AND HIS TEETH GO INTO MY SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was blood... everywhere. There was also hole in my head.
So, at the sight of all the red stuff spewing from my cranium, my mom of course, is concerned about my brother the vampire's well being.... Until she realized that the only reason my brother's face was covered in blood was because it was overflowing from me. It kinda wen't something like this.
CHOMP!!!!!!
Me: O.O
My brother: OWE!! MY TOOTH!
My mom: :O OH MY GOD, JAKE!..... HOLY FUCKING SHIT, CHAEL!!!!!!!!!
And then I was taken to the hospital. Where an over friendly doctor stitched up my head, while telling me his whole life story. And when I got home I had to clean up my own blood and listen to my brother piss and moan about how I hurt his mouth.
And that was the time my brother became momentarily blind and didn't see me laying there so he flopped his tired little head down and cut my skull open.
THE END.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
IT'S SHINY.
So, I got inspired. Sue me.
Chael will comment on this at a later time, when people are actually awake. Haha.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
CHRIIIIISTMAS.
So, for Christmas today, I got a unicorn. Be jealous.
Just kidding. I got an iPod, a longboard and clothes. And some really good food.
Then your mom invited me over for some late night holiday cheer. Just kidding. Not really.
Then Chael came over and told me a secret; you're adopted.
Merry Christmas!
Chael: Wait, before we go I would just like to point out that in fact you are not adopted, Brookie is. She just doesn't like to face the facts and jump into the proverbial pool of realization. And that being said I would like to end this post on a happy, not adopted note... I got your mom for Christmas, goodnight!
Just kidding. I got an iPod, a longboard and clothes. And some really good food.
Then your mom invited me over for some late night holiday cheer. Just kidding. Not really.
Then Chael came over and told me a secret; you're adopted.
Merry Christmas!
Chael: Wait, before we go I would just like to point out that in fact you are not adopted, Brookie is. She just doesn't like to face the facts and jump into the proverbial pool of realization. And that being said I would like to end this post on a happy, not adopted note... I got your mom for Christmas, goodnight!
Friday, December 24, 2010
IT'S CHRISTMAS FUCKIN EVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, me and Brookie were just sitting around, and Brookie says, "Tomorrow's Christmas!" And I said, "Holy fuck it is!"
This has been happening to me all day. I'll be just sittin' around, and then I'll remember that tomorrow is Christmas. It's like a child remembering that he still has the rest of his giant lollipop in the fridge...over..and over.. and over. And after saying that, Brookie reminded me of that one time I left my giant lollipop at her house, and her mom threw it away.... I am now sad. But hey! TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS!
(Off topic)
This has nothing to do with Christmas, but I have to share it.
So as we were sitting here, writing this blog post, Brookie got mad, and screamed "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU!"
She then immediately looked at me, and said, "I mean .. I'm gonna fuck you up... O.O." Then I said "Ooookaaayyyyyy .... O.O. " Then she said "No, wait, thats exactly what I meant >:3 ", and puts her hand on my computer. I asked what she was doing, and she said "Rubbing your hard-drive ^.^ " ... I immediately burst out laughing... And then we high-five'd. <3
......I know what your thinking, and the answer is...NO! You are NOT as awesome as us, NO! You will NEVER be as good looking, NO! Your mother does NOT love you like she says she does, And NO! Mommy and daddy were NOT playing wrestle that one time when you walked in.
But hey.... tomorrow's Christmas :o
This has been happening to me all day. I'll be just sittin' around, and then I'll remember that tomorrow is Christmas. It's like a child remembering that he still has the rest of his giant lollipop in the fridge...over..and over.. and over. And after saying that, Brookie reminded me of that one time I left my giant lollipop at her house, and her mom threw it away.... I am now sad. But hey! TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS!
(Off topic)
This has nothing to do with Christmas, but I have to share it.
So as we were sitting here, writing this blog post, Brookie got mad, and screamed "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU!"
She then immediately looked at me, and said, "I mean .. I'm gonna fuck you up... O.O." Then I said "Ooookaaayyyyyy .... O.O. " Then she said "No, wait, thats exactly what I meant >:3 ", and puts her hand on my computer. I asked what she was doing, and she said "Rubbing your hard-drive ^.^ " ... I immediately burst out laughing... And then we high-five'd. <3
......I know what your thinking, and the answer is...NO! You are NOT as awesome as us, NO! You will NEVER be as good looking, NO! Your mother does NOT love you like she says she does, And NO! Mommy and daddy were NOT playing wrestle that one time when you walked in.
But hey.... tomorrow's Christmas :o
Thursday, December 23, 2010
THE STORY BEHIND THE FAT UNICORN.
Hello. You see that thing up there? And you see how I, Chael, am frustrated with Brookie and the chubby unicorn?.... Well... when I was drawing said "thing up there" I was imagining that Brookie bought said chubby unicorn, without me knowing.... And it has now shat on the floor.
Brookie: Please take note that I did not actually buy a chubby unicorn named 'Glutter' who decided to shit on the floor. This is just a part of Chael's imagination. I'd buy a bad-ass wolf named Fang who would then rule the world.
Chael: ......You so would buy the fat unicorn...
Brookie: ...Perhaps. But I sure as HELL wouldn't name him 'Glutter'. That's just fucked up man. I'd name him... Horny. Hahaha. Ha. Get it? Horny?
Chael: .... You so would name him Glutter..
Brookie: .........Maybe. MAYBE. Asshole.
Chael: ... No...you would for sure name him Glutter.
Brookie: ...Hahaha, nah, I'd name him Debbie ;)
Chael: *GASP!!!* YOU TYRANT! THATS MY MOMS NAME!!
Brookie: Or I could name him Brian. That'd be just... weird though. And your dad doesn't remind me of a fat unicorn who shits on the floor.
Chael: I'm gonna make her read this post. SO FUCK YOU... I mean... That's not nice what you did... Hi mom.
Brookie: Man, fuck yo couch. If she read this we'd be screwed. o.O Anally. No lube.
Chael: ........But I'm too young for sex....Like your brother.
Brookie: Hells yes. Guys. 13 year old. Already doin' it doggy-style. RIDICULOUS. But that's not the point. The point is... well. Fuck.What is the point of that picture?
Chael: The point is......THE END
Brookie: Please take note that I did not actually buy a chubby unicorn named 'Glutter' who decided to shit on the floor. This is just a part of Chael's imagination. I'd buy a bad-ass wolf named Fang who would then rule the world.
Chael: ......You so would buy the fat unicorn...
Brookie: ...Perhaps. But I sure as HELL wouldn't name him 'Glutter'. That's just fucked up man. I'd name him... Horny. Hahaha. Ha. Get it? Horny?
Chael: .... You so would name him Glutter..
Brookie: .........Maybe. MAYBE. Asshole.
Chael: ... No...you would for sure name him Glutter.
Brookie: ...Hahaha, nah, I'd name him Debbie ;)
Chael: *GASP!!!* YOU TYRANT! THATS MY MOMS NAME!!
Brookie: Or I could name him Brian. That'd be just... weird though. And your dad doesn't remind me of a fat unicorn who shits on the floor.
Chael: I'm gonna make her read this post. SO FUCK YOU... I mean... That's not nice what you did... Hi mom.
Brookie: Man, fuck yo couch. If she read this we'd be screwed. o.O Anally. No lube.
Chael: ........But I'm too young for sex....Like your brother.
Brookie: Hells yes. Guys. 13 year old. Already doin' it doggy-style. RIDICULOUS. But that's not the point. The point is... well. Fuck.What is the point of that picture?
Chael: The point is......THE END
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
MY CHILDHOOD WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES.
CHAEL: I think its time for a childhood story.....
You have the choice of -
1. Ostrich.
2. The time my brother bit my head.
Or 3. The time i almost died.. which isn't funny at all.
Now since (are you happy now David?) no one reads this blog, I will choose for you (you meaning the theoretical people that are SUPPOSED to read this blog...).
And I choose Ostrich.
Okay so once upon a time (13 years ago) my dad was working on our neighbors house (hes a carpenter)
and as hes going home he and my brother see an ostrich running in the field across from our house. Now I know what your thinking "this is a load of bull shit" I promise you on my dog Chessy's grave that this is not bull shit or any other kind of shit. In fact, we live in what I like to call "the middle of nowhere". It's located between the arc of the covenant and Waldo. So it's not really that hard to believe that an animal only native to Africa would be running around in our yard... considering there's an ostrich farm not to far away form where I live.
So my dad, being the smart person that he is, called that ostrich farm....Well, they said we could keep it cause they didn't want to come pick the damned thing up... Because we totally have use for an ostrich.
So my dad, being the not so smart person that he is, got in his truck and chased the ostrich. Eventually, it got caught in the bob-wire surrounding the field. I actually have no idea how they got it into one of our horse pins, but they did. Beforehand, though, it ran up to our house, stuck its head inside my car, and scared my mother.
So they got it in the pin, and it basically just stood there, until that night.
Long story short it was making mating calls, making it impossible for my parents to sleep. So my dad goes out in the middle of the night with a flashlight, and a machete, planning to cut the ostrich's head off..... Now.. this would have been an easy task if it were not for the fact, that ostriches are fast mother fuckers, and don't appreciate you trying to decapitate them. So every time my dad swung his mighty machete, the ostrich simply.. ducked. So my dad got out his gun, and shot that bitch in the face. The next morning he plucked, skinned, and cooked the ostrich... We ate it. Nuff said.
THE END.
You have the choice of -
1. Ostrich.
2. The time my brother bit my head.
Or 3. The time i almost died.. which isn't funny at all.
Now since (are you happy now David?) no one reads this blog, I will choose for you (you meaning the theoretical people that are SUPPOSED to read this blog...).
And I choose Ostrich.
Okay so once upon a time (13 years ago) my dad was working on our neighbors house (hes a carpenter)
and as hes going home he and my brother see an ostrich running in the field across from our house. Now I know what your thinking "this is a load of bull shit" I promise you on my dog Chessy's grave that this is not bull shit or any other kind of shit. In fact, we live in what I like to call "the middle of nowhere". It's located between the arc of the covenant and Waldo. So it's not really that hard to believe that an animal only native to Africa would be running around in our yard... considering there's an ostrich farm not to far away form where I live.
So my dad, being the smart person that he is, called that ostrich farm....Well, they said we could keep it cause they didn't want to come pick the damned thing up... Because we totally have use for an ostrich.
So my dad, being the not so smart person that he is, got in his truck and chased the ostrich. Eventually, it got caught in the bob-wire surrounding the field. I actually have no idea how they got it into one of our horse pins, but they did. Beforehand, though, it ran up to our house, stuck its head inside my car, and scared my mother.
So they got it in the pin, and it basically just stood there, until that night.
Long story short it was making mating calls, making it impossible for my parents to sleep. So my dad goes out in the middle of the night with a flashlight, and a machete, planning to cut the ostrich's head off..... Now.. this would have been an easy task if it were not for the fact, that ostriches are fast mother fuckers, and don't appreciate you trying to decapitate them. So every time my dad swung his mighty machete, the ostrich simply.. ducked. So my dad got out his gun, and shot that bitch in the face. The next morning he plucked, skinned, and cooked the ostrich... We ate it. Nuff said.
THE END.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
INSANITY CAT.
Insanity cat. He's watching you.
He's climbin' in yo windows. ^
Hello small children and the elderly. this is insanity cat.
Don't be frightened, he only wants you to pet him, and give him treats while he holds you hostage, and slowly peels your skin off with a rusty spoon.
So, small children and the elderly, don't turn around... cause guess what. Insanity cat is watching you.
Hello small children and the elderly. this is insanity cat.
Don't be frightened, he only wants you to pet him, and give him treats while he holds you hostage, and slowly peels your skin off with a rusty spoon.
So, small children and the elderly, don't turn around... cause guess what. Insanity cat is watching you.
Friday, December 3, 2010
PENGUIN-PEOPLE.
So, today, Chael and I went to Barnes&Noble, and then the movies. It was quite enjoyable, until the very end.
So, we went into B&N to pass the time before the movie started. We enjoyed ourselves, walking about and talking. But then an evil idea planted itself in our teenage minds. There were many stuffed animals in the kids section of B&N.
And there are many, many sexual positions to put them in. Which we did.
Cookie monster's a perv. ^
It was extremely innapropriate and immature. But also amazing and hilarious, imagining the outcome of our animal-positioning. Then we left and went to the movies.
Chael and I were like, That movie was awesome! Then we walked outside and we were like, dude.
It's freaking cold.
Note that, it was 12:30 at night, and we were in thin shirts. We then stayed that way for about 15 minutes.
Chail can explain the rest. Ho. Ly. Shit.
Chael: Okay, so basically we stood outside of the movie theater for about what felt like forever times infinity huddled together like two retarded outcast penguins, starring at passersby like "WTF you lookin at?!? you don't know me! you don't know what I got!" ... so after about twenty minutes of weird looks and rude comments, Brookies dad finally came and picked us up. all was going well, we were warm, we had the radio, we were okay again, AND THEN OH MY FUCKING CHEERIOS A BABY DEER JUMPS OUT INTO THE ROAD. all like "hey mother fuckers, I'm a fucking dear! and I'm in your way! try and get past me ass holes! hahahahaha!! -death-" except that we didn't really hit it. It just stood there for about a minute and a half occasionally going back and forth across the road like it couldn't make up its frackin mind where it wanted to almost die next.
Moral of the story: Deer are fuckin crazy ass emo bitches.
So, we went into B&N to pass the time before the movie started. We enjoyed ourselves, walking about and talking. But then an evil idea planted itself in our teenage minds. There were many stuffed animals in the kids section of B&N.
And there are many, many sexual positions to put them in. Which we did.
It was extremely innapropriate and immature. But also amazing and hilarious, imagining the outcome of our animal-positioning. Then we left and went to the movies.
Chael and I were like, That movie was awesome! Then we walked outside and we were like, dude.
It's freaking cold.
Note that, it was 12:30 at night, and we were in thin shirts. We then stayed that way for about 15 minutes.
Chail can explain the rest. Ho. Ly. Shit.
Chael: Okay, so basically we stood outside of the movie theater for about what felt like forever times infinity huddled together like two retarded outcast penguins, starring at passersby like "WTF you lookin at?!? you don't know me! you don't know what I got!" ... so after about twenty minutes of weird looks and rude comments, Brookies dad finally came and picked us up. all was going well, we were warm, we had the radio, we were okay again, AND THEN OH MY FUCKING CHEERIOS A BABY DEER JUMPS OUT INTO THE ROAD. all like "hey mother fuckers, I'm a fucking dear! and I'm in your way! try and get past me ass holes! hahahahaha!! -death-" except that we didn't really hit it. It just stood there for about a minute and a half occasionally going back and forth across the road like it couldn't make up its frackin mind where it wanted to almost die next.
Moral of the story: Deer are fuckin crazy ass emo bitches.
Monday, November 29, 2010
THIS JUST IN.
I would have sex with that unicorn.
That is all.
-Brookie.
P.S.: Chael drew it. But I named it >3
That is all.
-Brookie.
P.S.: Chael drew it. But I named it >3
Thursday, November 25, 2010
THANKSGIVING WITH CHAEL.
Chael: First of all... happy Thanksgiving. Second of all, I can't move... it feels like I'm six months overdue with a food baby... possibly twins.
But other than being four pounds heavier than this morning, I would just like to state that, my family is frackin huge, and this makes Thanksgiving amazing. Imagine a huge table, with 25 people crowded around it, passing plates of food back and forth, and two of these people are pregnant. Before you say anything, yes I have acknowledged the fact, that my family breeds like bunnies.
Anyway, I just wanted to make a post, wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving.... Don't really know how to end this.. so I just will.
Brookie: Brookie here. Happy thanksgiving, Losers. :D Haha, just kidding. Yes, my thanksgiving was amazing too. And I think my food-baby is kicking. Argh.
I had a great time with my family on my dad's side, and I love them to death. Have you EVER tried fried turkey? No? You should. It's fucking awesome.
Anyway, happy holidays!
THE END
But other than being four pounds heavier than this morning, I would just like to state that, my family is frackin huge, and this makes Thanksgiving amazing. Imagine a huge table, with 25 people crowded around it, passing plates of food back and forth, and two of these people are pregnant. Before you say anything, yes I have acknowledged the fact, that my family breeds like bunnies.
Anyway, I just wanted to make a post, wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving.... Don't really know how to end this.. so I just will.
Brookie: Brookie here. Happy thanksgiving, Losers. :D Haha, just kidding. Yes, my thanksgiving was amazing too. And I think my food-baby is kicking. Argh.
I had a great time with my family on my dad's side, and I love them to death. Have you EVER tried fried turkey? No? You should. It's fucking awesome.
Anyway, happy holidays!
THE END
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Chael's many Quotes.
"Oh look, it's a cocky-roach. -turns water on-. Now it's in the drain."
Chael: This one time at youth group- Nuff said.
PS: unicorn meat.
Chael: This one time at youth group- Nuff said.
PS: unicorn meat.
Monday, November 22, 2010
POOR COW.
^Awesomest thing evar.
If you expected this post to be about cows because of the misleading name, I am sad to inform you, if you have not already noticed, that this post has nothing to do with cows. I was just trying to think of a name for this post, and looked up and on TV was a cow stuck in a lye pit, so I named my post what i had said upon seeing it, to express my sympathy.
Brookie: Wow, Rach. I have to say I'm extremely impressed with the drawings you put up. So if you haven't noticed, I'm the grammar geek and Rachael's the artistic one. She drew that thingy up there. The big giraffe with the inverse rainbow. It's fucking beast. Just thought I'd put my two sense in. Brookie, out!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A CHANGE OF SCENERY.
I'm going to start a new post, because I'm quite sure Chael will log on later to edit and add in her part of this story anyway. Last night was Chael's birthday party; and we did a few... well, let's put it this way. I feel like we were stalked last night.
Chael thought it would be a good idea, at 3 AM in the morning, to go down to this creepy hunter's house by the river. There's a pier there, and it's a good quarter of a mile's walk to get there. Of course, I was all for this. I was so excited that I nearly pissed myself.
That was sarcasm, by the way. I kept saying it was a bad idea, as well as one of our other friends. You know how you get that feeling when you're about to do something amazing, like you just want to go, FUCK YEAH?
We did not have those feelings. But along we went, our group of five, down the path, all holding onto eachother in some way or another, and talking. Our wolf-dog guide, who we will call KiKi, lead the way. Well, mostly. Sometimes she would stop, and now that I think about it, I think she was probably staring at us like, Hahaha, Assholes, I know something you don't and you're about to get fuuuuucked up. But then she would follow us, or lead the way again.
We finally got to the creepy house, and the pier. And guess what, guys? There was mist over the river. Can you say freaky? Anyway, Chael and I along with another friend, went up to the house. Our friend, who we'll call D, stood on the steps while Chael and I went in. Chael had a light, while I had a camera. We went in, and I filmed while she shined her mighty Ipod touch light. Then, out of no where, there's a huge-ass white flash behind us and we turned and hissed at D, who had taken a picture.
Chael: Why in the hell did you do that?
Brookie: Oh, Oh, Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Not a good idea.
D: I'm sorry, jeeze.
So, finally, we were walking out of the house after my insistence that this was indeed a bad idea, and we stopped, because I got freaked out.
Something was in the woods. And at first, we thought it was KiKi. But, then we walked towards our other two friends, (who again, we'll call K and M), and KiKi was already near them. We heard the noise again. And it wasn't the wolf-dog guide. It was heavier. Two-footed.
We ran like hell.
We ran and kept running and only stopped a few times to try and hear the noise again, but it kept following us, so we'd run again until we couldn't anymore and we realized KiKi was no longer with us. We called for her, but then decided it was a better idea to keep moving and call for her later.
Finally, we got to Chael's house, and we sat in the gravel in front of it, talking. We were breathless and a little creeped out. Now, in the middle of this, something even scarier happened. We heard something that sounded like either a motorcycle coming towards us, making the BBBBRRRUMM BRUM noise, or it was a tractor backfiring.
M: Chael, something's coming down your road!
Chael: Shit! Go go!
We ran up the stairs, and then turned. But, nothing was there. This made the situation even worse, so went inside, dead-silent.
Fast-forward about ten minutes. We're sitting on Chael's living room floor, talking about what had just happened. Again, we heard this noise, but this time it was definately louder, seeing as we all heard it through the house. Chael stood up, jumped over all of us, and ran to her front door. KiKi had reappeared, sitting straight up with her ears perked. She had definately heard it, too. But there was nothing there. This is what bugs us.
Anyway, that was our night last night, or rather, our morning. Very eventful it was, young padawan.
CHAEL: In agreement with Brookie, yes it was a very eventful night. I was scared shitless, because in my mind, the BBBBRRRUUUMMM BRUM sound was in fact made by an ax murderer who wanted our blood and body parts for experiments....
Over all, I had fun. I enjoy scary shit like this, that makes you pee yourself a little because something or someone is chasing you down your dark, scary, moonlit trail, and all you can do is run like a little defenseless white girl, cause thats exactly what you are. I don't know how the rest of the crew felt... I imagine scared, based on the terrified screams coming from behind me as I haled ass.
Chael thought it would be a good idea, at 3 AM in the morning, to go down to this creepy hunter's house by the river. There's a pier there, and it's a good quarter of a mile's walk to get there. Of course, I was all for this. I was so excited that I nearly pissed myself.
That was sarcasm, by the way. I kept saying it was a bad idea, as well as one of our other friends. You know how you get that feeling when you're about to do something amazing, like you just want to go, FUCK YEAH?
We did not have those feelings. But along we went, our group of five, down the path, all holding onto eachother in some way or another, and talking. Our wolf-dog guide, who we will call KiKi, lead the way. Well, mostly. Sometimes she would stop, and now that I think about it, I think she was probably staring at us like, Hahaha, Assholes, I know something you don't and you're about to get fuuuuucked up. But then she would follow us, or lead the way again.
We finally got to the creepy house, and the pier. And guess what, guys? There was mist over the river. Can you say freaky? Anyway, Chael and I along with another friend, went up to the house. Our friend, who we'll call D, stood on the steps while Chael and I went in. Chael had a light, while I had a camera. We went in, and I filmed while she shined her mighty Ipod touch light. Then, out of no where, there's a huge-ass white flash behind us and we turned and hissed at D, who had taken a picture.
Chael: Why in the hell did you do that?
Brookie: Oh, Oh, Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Not a good idea.
D: I'm sorry, jeeze.
So, finally, we were walking out of the house after my insistence that this was indeed a bad idea, and we stopped, because I got freaked out.
Something was in the woods. And at first, we thought it was KiKi. But, then we walked towards our other two friends, (who again, we'll call K and M), and KiKi was already near them. We heard the noise again. And it wasn't the wolf-dog guide. It was heavier. Two-footed.
We ran like hell.
We ran and kept running and only stopped a few times to try and hear the noise again, but it kept following us, so we'd run again until we couldn't anymore and we realized KiKi was no longer with us. We called for her, but then decided it was a better idea to keep moving and call for her later.
Finally, we got to Chael's house, and we sat in the gravel in front of it, talking. We were breathless and a little creeped out. Now, in the middle of this, something even scarier happened. We heard something that sounded like either a motorcycle coming towards us, making the BBBBRRRUMM BRUM noise, or it was a tractor backfiring.
M: Chael, something's coming down your road!
Chael: Shit! Go go!
We ran up the stairs, and then turned. But, nothing was there. This made the situation even worse, so went inside, dead-silent.
Fast-forward about ten minutes. We're sitting on Chael's living room floor, talking about what had just happened. Again, we heard this noise, but this time it was definately louder, seeing as we all heard it through the house. Chael stood up, jumped over all of us, and ran to her front door. KiKi had reappeared, sitting straight up with her ears perked. She had definately heard it, too. But there was nothing there. This is what bugs us.
Anyway, that was our night last night, or rather, our morning. Very eventful it was, young padawan.
CHAEL: In agreement with Brookie, yes it was a very eventful night. I was scared shitless, because in my mind, the BBBBRRRUUUMMM BRUM sound was in fact made by an ax murderer who wanted our blood and body parts for experiments....
Over all, I had fun. I enjoy scary shit like this, that makes you pee yourself a little because something or someone is chasing you down your dark, scary, moonlit trail, and all you can do is run like a little defenseless white girl, cause thats exactly what you are. I don't know how the rest of the crew felt... I imagine scared, based on the terrified screams coming from behind me as I haled ass.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
AWKWARD RIBBON.
Chael: So today, we were watching T.V. and there was this lady who eats chalk......What the fudge?.... Chalk? Really?... Anyways.
So this morning my sister was leaving for this place where you put a ribbon on your Christmas tree, and then come back later and chop it down... Problem is, she couldn't find a ribbon... and a couple days earlier she had given me this stuffed giraffe with a ribbon tied around it... long story short, she wanted THAT ribbon... I was devastated.
My sister: Hey, I can't find any ribbon, and the only one I can think of is the blue one on your giraffe... Can I have it?
Me (Chael): D: .... What?
My sister: Can I have the blue ribbon....?
Me: You want to kill my giraffe?!?
My sister: No? How would I be killing it?
Me: YOU'RE TAKING A PART OF IT AWAY!
My sister: No I'm not, what the heck, its not even attached to the giraffe.
Me: Your child isn't attached to you, but he's still a part of you!!
My sister: ..... Never mind.
Brookie: MEANWHILE....
While all this was happening, I was just sitting here.... feeling awkward. As usual, around Chael's family.
I tend to think of Chael and myself almost like Opposites with a whole hell of a lot of the same interests, which is why we work so well together and I love her dearly. LIKE A SISTER, freaks.
Anyway, While I was sitting here, eating my cereal, instead of facing the situation that was going on, I was staring down at it and imagining that it was making noises, like the rice crispies cereal. Because I was trying so hard not to be included in the conversation. The sounds kinda went like this:
Cereal: Bloop. Boooppppppp bee doop.
Me: Oh, what magical cereal.
Cereal: Blooooppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoop. Doop. Rawr!
Me: Why is me cereal growling at me?
In the background, Chael and her sister are arguing over her ribbon. But still, I listen to my cereal and it's strange noises.
Cereal: I say we take the ribbon ourselves! Mwahaha!
Me: Shut up, you're supposed to make noises.
Cereal: ...Beep? :D
Me: No, Shut the fuck up, cereal.
At this point Chael and I had started talking and now the cereal bowl itself is empty. But I have a feeling it's glaring at us right now, watching us. Like, 'Bitch, where did you take my children?' I think Chael's scared now because now she's looked over the computer screen and stared at it with a hint of fear in her eyes.
Brookie: You okay, Chael? o.O
Chael: Yeah... the cereal bowl just sounded really mean in the way you portrayed it, and I don't think you were being very fair to it since you just held your cereal for about fifteen minutes while you ate it.
Brookie: ....That's the point of cereal, Chael. You eat it. It shouldn't make noises, though in my mind that can very well happen... And it was mean cereal in my mind! It wanted to steal your ribbon!
Chael: ...... The bitch!
At this point, Chael is glaring at coffee table where the cereal bowl rests with a disgusted look.
Brookie: ... You do realize that was just my imagination, right? The bowl's not actually, you know, plotting to steal your ribbon?
Chael: Thats what you think.
Brookie: .... Yes, that is exactly what I think. It was the ONLY thing I WAS thinking. It was all my IMAGINATION.
Chael: ....Your mother.
Brookie: ...My mother what? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!
Chael: ..... I don't know, I didn't think that far ahead.
Brookie: Again, you're a horrible person. And I think you have a few mental issues.
Chael: ....... Ploof...
This is where this conversation, and post ends, because I think Chael's having a mental-breakdown-day.
So this morning my sister was leaving for this place where you put a ribbon on your Christmas tree, and then come back later and chop it down... Problem is, she couldn't find a ribbon... and a couple days earlier she had given me this stuffed giraffe with a ribbon tied around it... long story short, she wanted THAT ribbon... I was devastated.
My sister: Hey, I can't find any ribbon, and the only one I can think of is the blue one on your giraffe... Can I have it?
Me (Chael): D: .... What?
My sister: Can I have the blue ribbon....?
Me: You want to kill my giraffe?!?
My sister: No? How would I be killing it?
Me: YOU'RE TAKING A PART OF IT AWAY!
My sister: No I'm not, what the heck, its not even attached to the giraffe.
Me: Your child isn't attached to you, but he's still a part of you!!
My sister: ..... Never mind.
Brookie: MEANWHILE....
While all this was happening, I was just sitting here.... feeling awkward. As usual, around Chael's family.
I tend to think of Chael and myself almost like Opposites with a whole hell of a lot of the same interests, which is why we work so well together and I love her dearly. LIKE A SISTER, freaks.
Anyway, While I was sitting here, eating my cereal, instead of facing the situation that was going on, I was staring down at it and imagining that it was making noises, like the rice crispies cereal. Because I was trying so hard not to be included in the conversation. The sounds kinda went like this:
Cereal: Bloop. Boooppppppp bee doop.
Me: Oh, what magical cereal.
Cereal: Blooooppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoop. Doop. Rawr!
Me: Why is me cereal growling at me?
In the background, Chael and her sister are arguing over her ribbon. But still, I listen to my cereal and it's strange noises.
Cereal: I say we take the ribbon ourselves! Mwahaha!
Me: Shut up, you're supposed to make noises.
Cereal: ...Beep? :D
Me: No, Shut the fuck up, cereal.
At this point Chael and I had started talking and now the cereal bowl itself is empty. But I have a feeling it's glaring at us right now, watching us. Like, 'Bitch, where did you take my children?' I think Chael's scared now because now she's looked over the computer screen and stared at it with a hint of fear in her eyes.
Brookie: You okay, Chael? o.O
Chael: Yeah... the cereal bowl just sounded really mean in the way you portrayed it, and I don't think you were being very fair to it since you just held your cereal for about fifteen minutes while you ate it.
Brookie: ....That's the point of cereal, Chael. You eat it. It shouldn't make noises, though in my mind that can very well happen... And it was mean cereal in my mind! It wanted to steal your ribbon!
Chael: ...... The bitch!
At this point, Chael is glaring at coffee table where the cereal bowl rests with a disgusted look.
Brookie: ... You do realize that was just my imagination, right? The bowl's not actually, you know, plotting to steal your ribbon?
Chael: Thats what you think.
Brookie: .... Yes, that is exactly what I think. It was the ONLY thing I WAS thinking. It was all my IMAGINATION.
Chael: ....Your mother.
Brookie: ...My mother what? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!
Chael: ..... I don't know, I didn't think that far ahead.
Brookie: Again, you're a horrible person. And I think you have a few mental issues.
Chael: ....... Ploof...
This is where this conversation, and post ends, because I think Chael's having a mental-breakdown-day.
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