MY CHILDHOOD WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES.

CHAEL: I think its time for a childhood story.....

You have the choice of -
1. Ostrich.
2. The time my brother bit my head.
Or 3. The time i almost died.. which isn't funny at all.

Now since (are you happy now David?) no one reads this blog, I will choose for you (you meaning the theoretical people that are SUPPOSED to read this blog...).
And I choose Ostrich.

Okay so once upon a time (13 years ago) my dad was working on our neighbors house (hes a carpenter)
and as hes going home he and my brother see an ostrich running in the field across from our house. Now I know what your thinking "this is a load of bull shit" I promise you on my dog Chessy's grave that this is not bull shit or any other kind of shit. In fact, we live in what I like to call "the middle of nowhere". It's located between the arc of the covenant and Waldo. So it's not really that hard to believe that an animal only native to Africa would be running around in our yard... considering there's an ostrich farm not to far away form where I live.


So my dad, being the smart person that he is, called that ostrich farm....Well, they said we could keep it cause they didn't want to come pick the damned thing up...  Because we totally have use for an ostrich.


So my dad, being the not so smart person that he is, got in his truck and chased the ostrich. Eventually, it got caught in the bob-wire surrounding the field. I actually have no idea how they got it into one of our horse pins, but they did. Beforehand, though, it ran up to our house, stuck its head inside my car, and scared my mother.
  
So they got it in the pin, and it basically just stood there, until that night.


Long story short it was making mating calls, making it impossible for my parents to sleep. So my dad goes out in the middle of the night with a flashlight, and a machete, planning to cut the ostrich's head off..... Now.. this would have been an easy task if it were not for the fact, that ostriches are fast mother fuckers, and don't appreciate you trying to decapitate them. So every time my dad swung his mighty machete, the ostrich simply.. ducked. So my dad got out his gun, and shot that bitch in the face. The next morning he plucked, skinned, and cooked the ostrich... We ate it. Nuff said.

THE END.