IT'S SHINY.

So, I got inspired. Sue me.

Chael will comment on this at a later time, when people are actually awake. Haha.

CHRIIIIISTMAS.

So, for Christmas today, I got a unicorn. Be jealous.

Just kidding. I got an iPod, a longboard and clothes. And some really good food.

Then your mom invited me over for some late night holiday cheer. Just kidding. Not really.

Then Chael came over and told me a secret; you're adopted.

Merry Christmas!

Chael: Wait, before we go I would just like to point out that in fact you are not adopted, Brookie is. She just doesn't like to face the facts and jump into the proverbial pool of realization. And that being said I would like to end this post on a happy, not adopted note... I got your mom for Christmas, goodnight!

IT'S CHRISTMAS FUCKIN EVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, me and Brookie were just sitting around, and Brookie says, "Tomorrow's Christmas!" And I said, "Holy fuck it is!"

This has been happening to me all day. I'll be just sittin' around, and then I'll remember that tomorrow is Christmas. It's like a child remembering that he still has the rest of his giant lollipop in the fridge...over..and over.. and over. And after saying that, Brookie reminded me of that one time I left my giant lollipop at her house, and her mom threw it away.... I am now sad. But hey! TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS!

(Off topic)
This has nothing to do with Christmas, but I have to share it.
So as we were sitting here, writing this blog post, Brookie got mad, and screamed "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU!"
She then immediately looked at me, and said, "I mean .. I'm gonna fuck you up... O.O." Then I said "Ooookaaayyyyyy .... O.O. " Then she said "No, wait, thats exactly what I meant >:3 ", and puts her hand on my computer. I asked what she was doing, and she said "Rubbing your hard-drive ^.^ " ... I immediately burst out laughing... And then we high-five'd. <3
......I know what your thinking, and the answer is...NO! You are NOT as awesome as us, NO! You will NEVER be as good looking, NO! Your mother does NOT love you like she says she does, And NO! Mommy and daddy were NOT playing wrestle that one time when you walked in.
But hey.... tomorrow's Christmas :o

THE STORY BEHIND THE FAT UNICORN.

Hello. You see that thing up there? And you see how I, Chael, am frustrated with Brookie and the chubby unicorn?.... Well... when I was drawing said "thing up there" I was imagining that Brookie bought said chubby unicorn, without me knowing.... And it has now shat on the floor.

Brookie: Please take note that I did not actually buy a chubby unicorn named 'Glutter' who decided to shit on the floor. This is just a part of Chael's imagination. I'd buy a bad-ass wolf named Fang who would then rule the world.

Chael: ......You so would buy the fat unicorn...

Brookie: ...Perhaps. But I sure as HELL wouldn't name him 'Glutter'. That's just fucked up man. I'd name him... Horny. Hahaha. Ha. Get it? Horny?

Chael: .... You so would name him Glutter..

Brookie: .........Maybe. MAYBE. Asshole.

Chael: ... No...you would for sure name him Glutter.

Brookie: ...Hahaha, nah, I'd name him Debbie ;)

Chael: *GASP!!!* YOU TYRANT! THATS MY MOMS NAME!!

Brookie: Or I could name him Brian. That'd be just... weird though. And your dad doesn't remind me of a fat unicorn who shits on the floor.

Chael: I'm gonna make her read this post. SO FUCK YOU... I mean... That's not nice what you did... Hi mom.

Brookie: Man, fuck yo couch. If she read this we'd be screwed. o.O Anally. No lube.

Chael: ........But I'm too young for sex....Like your brother.

Brookie: Hells yes. Guys. 13 year old. Already doin' it doggy-style. RIDICULOUS. But that's not the point. The point is... well. Fuck.What is the point of that picture?

Chael: The point is......THE END

MY CHILDHOOD WAS FULL OF BLOOD, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, AND OSTRICHES.

CHAEL: I think its time for a childhood story.....

You have the choice of -
1. Ostrich.
2. The time my brother bit my head.
Or 3. The time i almost died.. which isn't funny at all.

Now since (are you happy now David?) no one reads this blog, I will choose for you (you meaning the theoretical people that are SUPPOSED to read this blog...).
And I choose Ostrich.

Okay so once upon a time (13 years ago) my dad was working on our neighbors house (hes a carpenter)
and as hes going home he and my brother see an ostrich running in the field across from our house. Now I know what your thinking "this is a load of bull shit" I promise you on my dog Chessy's grave that this is not bull shit or any other kind of shit. In fact, we live in what I like to call "the middle of nowhere". It's located between the arc of the covenant and Waldo. So it's not really that hard to believe that an animal only native to Africa would be running around in our yard... considering there's an ostrich farm not to far away form where I live.


So my dad, being the smart person that he is, called that ostrich farm....Well, they said we could keep it cause they didn't want to come pick the damned thing up...  Because we totally have use for an ostrich.


So my dad, being the not so smart person that he is, got in his truck and chased the ostrich. Eventually, it got caught in the bob-wire surrounding the field. I actually have no idea how they got it into one of our horse pins, but they did. Beforehand, though, it ran up to our house, stuck its head inside my car, and scared my mother.
  
So they got it in the pin, and it basically just stood there, until that night.


Long story short it was making mating calls, making it impossible for my parents to sleep. So my dad goes out in the middle of the night with a flashlight, and a machete, planning to cut the ostrich's head off..... Now.. this would have been an easy task if it were not for the fact, that ostriches are fast mother fuckers, and don't appreciate you trying to decapitate them. So every time my dad swung his mighty machete, the ostrich simply.. ducked. So my dad got out his gun, and shot that bitch in the face. The next morning he plucked, skinned, and cooked the ostrich... We ate it. Nuff said.

THE END.

INSANITY CAT.

Insanity cat. He's watching you.

                                                       He's climbin' in yo windows. ^


Hello small children and the elderly. this is insanity cat.


Don't be frightened, he only wants you to pet him, and give him treats while he holds you hostage, and slowly peels your skin off with a rusty spoon.

So, small children and the elderly, don't turn around... cause guess what. Insanity cat is watching you.

PENGUIN-PEOPLE.

So, today, Chael and I went to Barnes&Noble, and then the movies. It was quite enjoyable, until the very end.

So, we went into B&N to pass the time before the movie started. We enjoyed ourselves, walking about and talking. But then an evil idea planted itself in our teenage minds. There were many stuffed animals in the kids section of B&N.

And there are many, many sexual positions to put them in. Which we did.

                                                          Cookie monster's a perv. ^

It was extremely innapropriate and immature. But also amazing and hilarious, imagining the outcome of our animal-positioning. Then we left and went to the movies.

Chael and I were like, That movie was awesome! Then we walked outside and we were like, dude.

It's freaking cold.

Note that, it was 12:30 at night, and we were in thin shirts. We then stayed that way for about 15 minutes.

Chail can explain the rest. Ho. Ly. Shit.

Chael: Okay, so basically we stood outside of the movie theater for about what felt like forever times infinity huddled together like two retarded outcast penguins, starring at passersby like "WTF you lookin at?!? you don't know me! you don't know what I got!" ... so after about twenty minutes of weird looks and rude comments, Brookies dad finally came and picked us up. all was going well, we were warm, we had the radio, we were okay again, AND THEN OH MY FUCKING CHEERIOS A BABY DEER JUMPS OUT INTO THE ROAD.  all like "hey mother fuckers, I'm a fucking dear! and I'm in your way! try and get past me ass holes! hahahahaha!! -death-" except that we didn't really hit it. It just stood there for about a minute and a half occasionally going back and forth across the road like it couldn't make up its frackin mind where it wanted to almost die next.


Moral of the story: Deer are fuckin crazy ass emo bitches.

THIS JUST IN.

I would have sex with that unicorn.

That is all.


                    -Brookie.


P.S.: Chael drew it. But I named it >3

THANKSGIVING WITH CHAEL.

Chael: First of all... happy Thanksgiving. Second of all, I can't move... it feels like I'm six months overdue with a food baby... possibly twins.


But other than being four pounds heavier than this morning, I would just like to state that, my family is frackin huge, and this makes Thanksgiving amazing. Imagine a huge table, with 25 people crowded around it, passing plates of food back and forth, and two of these people are pregnant. Before you say anything, yes I have acknowledged the fact, that my family breeds like bunnies.



Anyway, I just wanted to make a post, wishing you all a happy Thanksgiving.... Don't really know how to end this.. so I just will.


Brookie: Brookie here. Happy thanksgiving, Losers. :D Haha, just kidding. Yes, my thanksgiving was amazing too. And I think my food-baby is kicking. Argh.

I had a great time with my family on my dad's side, and I love them to death. Have you EVER tried fried turkey? No? You should. It's fucking awesome.

Anyway, happy holidays!

THE END

Chael's many Quotes.

"Oh look, it's a cocky-roach. -turns water on-. Now it's in the drain."



Chael: This one time at youth group- Nuff said.

PS: unicorn meat.

POOR COW.

Well, Brookie isn't  here today, and i can't think of anything to write about so heres a picture of a giraffe

^Awesomest thing evar.

If you expected this post to be about cows because of the misleading name, I am sad to inform you, if you have not already noticed, that this post has nothing to do with cows. I was just trying to think of a name for this post, and looked up and on TV was a cow stuck in a lye pit, so I named my post what i had said upon seeing it, to express my sympathy. 

Brookie: Wow, Rach. I have to say I'm extremely impressed with the drawings you put up. So if you haven't noticed, I'm the grammar geek and Rachael's the artistic one. She drew that thingy up there. The big giraffe with the inverse rainbow. It's fucking beast. Just thought I'd put my two sense in. Brookie, out!

A CHANGE OF SCENERY.

I'm going to start a new post, because I'm quite sure Chael will log on later to edit and add in her part of this story anyway. Last night was Chael's birthday party; and we did a few... well, let's put it this way. I feel like we were stalked last night.

Chael thought it would be a good idea, at 3 AM in the morning, to go down to this creepy hunter's house by the river. There's a pier there, and it's a good quarter of a mile's walk to get there. Of course, I was all for this. I was so excited that I nearly pissed myself.

That was sarcasm, by the way. I kept saying it was a bad idea, as well as one of our other friends. You know how you get that feeling when you're about to do something amazing, like you just want to go, FUCK YEAH?

We did not have those feelings. But along we went, our group of five, down the path, all holding onto eachother in some way or another, and talking. Our wolf-dog guide, who we will call KiKi, lead the way. Well, mostly. Sometimes she would stop, and now that I think about it, I think she was probably staring at us like, Hahaha, Assholes, I know something you don't and you're about to get fuuuuucked up. But then she would follow us, or lead the way again.

We finally got to the creepy house, and the pier. And guess what, guys? There was mist over the river. Can you say freaky? Anyway, Chael and I along with another friend, went up to the house. Our friend, who we'll call D, stood on the steps while Chael and I went in. Chael had a light, while I had a camera. We went in, and I filmed while she shined her mighty Ipod touch light. Then, out of no where, there's a huge-ass white flash behind us and we turned and hissed at D, who had taken a picture.

Chael: Why in the hell did you do that?
Brookie: Oh, Oh, Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Not a good idea.
D: I'm sorry, jeeze.

So, finally, we were walking out of the house after my insistence that this was indeed a bad idea, and we stopped, because I got freaked out.


Something was in the woods. And at first, we thought it was KiKi. But, then we walked towards our other two friends, (who again, we'll call K and M), and KiKi was already near them. We heard the noise again. And it wasn't the wolf-dog guide. It was heavier. Two-footed.

   We ran like hell.

We ran and kept running and only stopped a few times to try and hear the noise again, but it kept following us, so we'd run again until we couldn't anymore and we realized KiKi was no longer with us. We called for her, but then decided it was a better idea to keep moving and call for her later.

Finally, we got to Chael's house, and we sat in the gravel in front of it, talking. We were breathless and a little creeped out. Now, in the middle of this, something even scarier happened. We heard something that sounded like either a motorcycle coming towards us, making the BBBBRRRUMM BRUM noise, or it was a tractor backfiring.

M: Chael, something's coming down your road!
Chael: Shit! Go go!

We ran up the stairs, and then turned. But, nothing was there. This made the situation even worse, so went inside, dead-silent.

Fast-forward about ten minutes. We're sitting on Chael's living room floor, talking about what had just happened. Again, we heard this noise, but this time it was definately louder, seeing as we all heard it through the house. Chael stood up, jumped over all of us, and ran to her front door. KiKi had reappeared, sitting straight up with her ears perked. She had definately heard it, too. But there was nothing there. This is what bugs us.

Anyway, that was our night last night, or rather, our morning. Very eventful it was, young padawan.

CHAEL: In agreement with Brookie, yes it was a very eventful night. I was scared shitless, because in my mind, the BBBBRRRUUUMMM BRUM sound was in fact made by an ax murderer who wanted our blood and body parts for experiments....

Over all, I had fun. I enjoy scary shit like this, that makes you pee yourself a little because something or someone is chasing you down your dark, scary, moonlit trail, and all you can do is run like a little defenseless white girl, cause thats exactly what you are. I don't know how the rest of the crew felt... I imagine scared, based on the terrified screams coming from behind me as I haled ass.

AWKWARD RIBBON.

Chael: So today, we were watching T.V. and there was this lady who eats chalk......What the fudge?....     Chalk? Really?... Anyways.


So this morning my sister was leaving for this place where you put a ribbon on your Christmas tree, and then come back later and chop it down... Problem is, she couldn't find a ribbon... and a couple days earlier she had given me this stuffed giraffe with a ribbon tied around it... long story short, she wanted THAT ribbon... I was devastated.

My sister: Hey, I can't find any ribbon, and the only one I can think of is the blue one on your giraffe... Can I have it?

Me (Chael):  D: .... What?

My sister: Can I have the blue ribbon....?

Me: You want to kill my giraffe?!?

My sister: No? How would I be killing it?

Me: YOU'RE TAKING A PART OF IT AWAY!

My sister: No I'm not, what the heck, its not even attached to the giraffe.

Me: Your child isn't attached to you, but he's still a part of you!!

My sister: ..... Never mind.

Brookie: MEANWHILE....

While all this was happening, I was just sitting here.... feeling awkward. As usual, around Chael's family.

I tend to think of Chael and myself almost like Opposites with a whole hell of a lot of the same interests, which is why we work so well together and I love her dearly. LIKE A SISTER, freaks.

Anyway, While I was sitting here, eating my cereal, instead of facing the situation that was going on, I was staring down at it and imagining that it was making noises, like the rice crispies cereal. Because I was trying so hard not to be included in the conversation. The sounds kinda went like this:

Cereal: Bloop. Boooppppppp bee doop.

Me: Oh, what magical cereal.

Cereal: Blooooppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoop. Doop. Rawr!

Me: Why is me cereal growling at me?

In the background, Chael and her sister are arguing over her ribbon. But still, I listen to my cereal and it's strange noises.

Cereal: I say we take the ribbon ourselves! Mwahaha!

Me: Shut up, you're supposed to make noises.

Cereal: ...Beep? :D

Me: No, Shut the fuck up, cereal.

At this point Chael and I had started talking and now the cereal bowl itself is empty. But I have a feeling it's glaring at us right now, watching us. Like, 'Bitch, where did you take my children?' I think Chael's scared now because now she's looked over the computer screen and stared at it with a hint of fear in her eyes.

Brookie: You okay, Chael? o.O

Chael: Yeah... the cereal bowl just sounded really mean in the way you portrayed it, and I don't think you were being very fair to it since you just held your cereal for about fifteen minutes while you ate it.

Brookie: ....That's the point of cereal, Chael. You eat it. It shouldn't make noises, though in my mind that can very well happen... And it was mean cereal in my mind! It wanted to steal your ribbon!

Chael: ...... The bitch!

At this point, Chael is glaring at coffee table where the cereal bowl rests with a disgusted look.

Brookie: ... You do realize that was just my imagination, right? The bowl's not actually, you know, plotting to steal your ribbon?

Chael: Thats what you think.

Brookie: .... Yes, that is exactly what I think. It was the ONLY thing I WAS thinking. It was all my IMAGINATION.

Chael: ....Your mother.

Brookie: ...My mother what? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!

Chael: ..... I don't know, I didn't think that far ahead.

Brookie: Again, you're a horrible person. And I think you have a few mental issues.

Chael: ....... Ploof...

This is where this conversation, and post ends, because I think Chael's having a mental-breakdown-day.

FIRST POST. EVER.

So you might be wondering..... What did Chael and Brookie do today? ... Well, actually, you're probably not wondering what we did, but guess what? You're gonna find out anyway. And like it.

...Or we'll make you feel all awkward inside.

This is how our most current conversation went:


Chael: ...What did we do today?

Brookie: Well, today... I, um... I ate a cookie. What'd you do?

Chael: Nothing...... breathed.

Brookie: Nothing? That's it? You breathed?

Chael: Hey, breathing is hard work.

Brookie: ....Yeah. If you're a retarded fish that's out of water.

Chael: ..... Fuck your couch.

Brookie: Only if you don't breathe like a retarded fish that's out of water. :D

Chael: Fine, but you have to stop acting like one first.

Brookie: One what? A retarded fish that's out of water? I'm so sorry, I'll stop breathing then. Hope you enjoyed killing the retarded fish, Chael.

Chael: I feel fulfilled, yes.

Brookie: You're a horrible person. You know that?

Chael: Yeah.

Brookie: I bet you like to kick puppies too. And I bet you like to shove small children and laugh. Don't you? DON'T YOU?!?!

Chael: I only like to kick and shove the ugly ones. I only laugh when the children cry, and the puppies feel  unwanted and abused.

Brookie: .... You have a dark mind inside that miniature body of your's. I now feel unsafe sitting next to you. If you're reading this, call the police.

Chael: Don't really call the police...

Brookie: If you were really going to call the police, you deserve to be kicked and shoved like an ugly puppy-child.

Chael: Hahaha... "puppy-child" .. What would that look like?

Brookie: I'm pretty sure it'd look like your first-born child, Chael. Or a worpletinger. Those things are freaking AWESOME.

Chael: That makes no sense, considering the worpletinger is part bunny, part moose, part sabertooth, and part nightmare, and has no child-puppy parts whatsoever.

Brookie: I love how you didn't deny that you were going to have sex with a dog at one point in your life and have a child-puppy. You're a strange person.

Chael: You know who's a strange person?.... Your mother. And I'm a stranger person? You're the one who was just petting me while whispering, "Pretty, pretty, pretty".... and you know my puppy-child would be cute as hell.

Brookie: So you admit to wanting to have a puppy child? Hey, if you're out there reading this, Chael's looking for some Hot-dogs. Get it? Hot dogs? No?.... And I can't help it. Your hair is like a soft, fluffy blanket of hairy goodness that I can't help but want to touch....

Chael: ...... O.O .....ANYWAY... I just want to clarify that I have no intention of turning to beastiality-....(Okay, I just now had to look up how to spell beastiality- And by the way, I got a lot of porn links- And while doing so, accidentally closed blogger. It was a unnerving seven seconds. But, luckily, blogger is awesome and saves your shit auto-magically and we didn't have to start this whole post over...which, we would not have done because I would have given up.)-.... later in my life.

Brookie: So soft, and light, blowing and bouncing in the wind... just sooooo touchable.... This entire time I've been thinking about your haaaair....



And this is where we end the post, because I feel that things are going to a dark place.

Brookie: But it never ends, Chael.

It NEVER ends.

Chael: Yes, it does.